Friday, March 31, 2006

Scared Straight.

The catnip toy looks cute and innocuous. The packaging on the catnip toy has no instructions, per se. It merely says things such as "Hours of fun" and "100% organic."

The packaging does not say "Guaranteed to trip your cat out until the break of dawn" or "Will set your kitty a-humpin'" or "Watch this instead of whatever you have from Netflix tonight." But the package should say those things.

Until the other night I had never seen a kitty with catnip. I had also never seen a kitty hump a shoe, stare spacily as if he'd seen the feline Jesus, and all but ask me to smack his ass and call him Judy.

First of all I don't think I've laughed that hard in weeks. Second of all I felt wrong the whole time. This graceful, reserved creature was helplessly chasing a little 'nip-stuffed chili pepper, occasionally losing his orientation and generally freaking out. He was making an ass of himself, if a cat can in fact make an ass of himself.

"Don't worry, Dusty, it's happened to a ton of people at frat parties," I said. Could this be healthy? I mean sure, cats should be allowed to get fucked up just like the rest of us, but did it have to be so intense??

Just like a frat jackass, Dusty kept me up with his partying antics half the night.

7 Comments:

Blogger The Kitty Voice said...

Heeheeheee, I have learned not to give any of my kitties catnip for about 3 hours prior to bedtime. Although, there have been times where I've either given them too much or not enough (I can't tell) and they playplayplayplay like they're on meth and then just collapse on the floor and lay with their eyes half open. I can only imagine they're thinking "Man... anybody got a Twinkie?" It's then that I wonder about catnip. I mean, really.

4:45 PM  
Anonymous pbdotc said...

i had a cat named flapdoodle growing up and

This graceful, reserved creature was helplessly chasing a little 'nip-stuffed chili pepper, occasionally losing his orientation and generally freaking out

yeah.

5:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You tell such a sweet story. What about the Other side of catnip -- the side that turns your cat into a homocidal cRaCk addict, hell-bent on severing your hand from your arm with her razor-sharp fangs. Call me a survivor ...

6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I meant homicidal -- I think. Homi or Homo -- though in your case I guess he goes homocidal.

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm so anonymous, my anonymouses are anonymous.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Z said...

Catnip is a gateway drug. Just a little 'nip from the ole chili-pepper... and before you can say heroin-chique, you're coming home to find Dusty shooting up the smack.

10:49 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Yeah, what happens when he gets his hand on a higher grade? I'll have to start checking my purse to see if he's taken money.

1:43 AM  

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